Graduation

     Endings are hard. I have never been good at endings. I'm not ready to leave the nest. I don't want to fly away. I don't want to leave my family. I am not ready for the next opportunity in life. I am scared, actually terrified. But when I think about it, I was once a scared little bird, who couldn't even take flight, who dreamed to soar. We were all kindergartners who didn't want to leave our parents, who didn't want to start school, but we did and we ended our lives at home and started our life at school. 
     We were all eggs who just hatched in a small nest and we wanted to grow. Each year we grew, we learned more and more with the help of our teachers, they were with us through it all. There were some days where some days were I would fall, fail, feel different, but with the support and love of our little flock, I would persist. There have been many lessons, but throughout the tough times at Golf I learned to love others for our differences, all of them.
      Now we are back at a beginning, about to leave, about to learn more. I don't want to leave this amazing community, but if I want to soar, I have to first fly. Which means I have to leave and my journey at Golf Middle School ends.

A Baduatirmation?

     So as this is the biggest year of my life so far with graduation, confirmation, and my fourteenth birthday, I was due to have some sort of party, a Baduatirmation. A combination of a birthday, graduation, and confirmation. I am sure it will be great, but there is one problem...
     As this year is ending, my mental state has not been doing well. I am full of stress, anxiety, depression, and going into a state where I'm trying to isolate myself and be antisocial. At random times you can find me crying over the random est things, freaking out over a project, or just not saying anything. I am starting to hate things I love and I'm just waiting for things to be over or to survive. It's not healthy.
     With that as a problem, I am freaking about who to invite, what to do, and if people will like it. It's hard because I don't want to be social, I don't want to have the worst party ever, and I don't want to make bad reputation, hurt anyone's feelings, or have a few people invited a my party. 
     I have to chose the people by today. Wish me luck and if you have any suggestions of cool/fun things I can do let me know in the comment (ex. huge capture the flag game) and if you are from my school and read this and are not invited, please don't be offended.

Beginnings Always Have Endings.

       Life is full of beginnings and endings. Ends can be sad, but there is always another opportunity waiting for you. This year has been full of beginnings and endings such as Graduation, Confirmation, and many more. 
     All of these give you memories, experiences, and lessons that you will never forget. That is what life is about, learning. To grow we need to go into something new, something different, something out of our comfort zones, hence beginnings and ends.
     Yes we have our memories, which we will miss through the years, but yet we will make many more which will make me treasure the old ones even more. 
      As we move on in our lives, we should take these moments and be thankful for these many experiences for making us better people. That's why I would like to thank GMS. 
      GMS has taught me to be open minded to grow, to try your best, and to try to help others grow with you because we are all on this journey to be better in some way.
      As I move on in life, I will always carry that with me, especially going into high school which can be intimidating since I'm not going to the same high school as people I know, but that's a different story.
     High school may be intimidating now, but we will eventually adapt and grow into it. We just got to stay open minded and focus on our reason why we begun that journey. 
     Eventually we will end our high school time as fast as we ended our middle school experience, but we will know more than ever. And once again a beginning will have an ending.
      So next time you think about beginnings and endings, don't be sad. Who said endings were bad? Endings are a great thing, so cherish them because all beginnings have endings...

Life Is Complicated.

     Life is complicated, especially mine. I have been through a lot for my age. Long story short, some of those struggles were  losing someone important, divorce, moving, being bullied, having depression, being lonely, etcetera, and having high standards and trying to live a "perfect" life did not help.
     Yes, I have learned a lot and yes I know that you can't live a "perfect" life, but I do still feel damaged and have flashbacks and bad moments. Lately life has been like that for me, actually right before typing this I had a breakdown :).
     This is not something I can really move on from, but I do have problems from moving on with experiences in life. That is probably why all of this is bottled up in me. 
     This situation is also hard to explain. It's like if you have never experienced it, you wont get it. Lets just say you think everything is against you, even though it is not. Your mind is just very stubborn and even if someone tells you "You're fine," or "That's not true," you still believe it. It probably gets annoying for other people.
     I don't really have a direction for this post and I don't really want to explain my sad story to the whole internet, so I just wanted to say to anyone of my one to two followers who is reading this and needs it, you can talk to me because life is complicated.
      
      

Th1rteen R3asons Why

   On Saturday I started watching a new Netflix show, it's called Th1rteen R3asons Why. I don't usually watch Netflix, but I finished the season, which is 13 episodes (hence the name), in two days. This Netfilx show was actually based off a book! If you do not know much about the show, I'll give you a little summary. 
    This show is about Hannah, a girl who has died by choice and has left 13 cassette tapes explaining the stories, experiences, and people who were the reasons why she died. These tapes have been passed down to all of the people who have been in the tapes and now has been passed onto Clay, who is really the main character of the story. Clay was in love with Hannah, but in the story he is known as socially awkward and never got to confess to Hannah. As he listens to the tapes, you as well as Clay figure out what happened to her, how can he bring her justice, and why is he on the tapes.
     This show is amazing, it gives you mixed emotions. I should warn you that there is very triggering content if you have gone through some of these tough times and even some schools have banned talking and watching the show due to this triggering content. Besides that, it is an amazing show.
     

Cute Pictures before an Ugly Test.

     It is proven that cute pictures help before tests and since the PARCC test is coming up, here are some things I love as cute pictures.

A Tribute To A Very Special Person

   "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." In my life, in my past, not many people had made an impact on me or made me feel special. I would often feel lonely, I still remember the nights of crying. The feeling would send me into a dark abyss thinking, "Nobody likes me," or "I don't belong," and I would always search and reach out for one special person,  hoping I would find at least one. I felt like I was in a pool, drowning, while the others are enjoying themselves with another. I might or might not be visible to them, but I could see them clearly through the waters. I reached out for help, gasping for air, none wanted to save me. 
   Until eventually, there was one, my grandpa. He is mot here with me today, but I thank him. He was my life guard, he saved me from the deep and vast ocean of pain I was in. He gave me a lending hand when I needed he, he gave me support when I was down, he made me happy. Yes we did fight and yes we did argue, but he is the one who shaped me. I miss him, but I thank him a lot.