Graduation

     Endings are hard. I have never been good at endings. I'm not ready to leave the nest. I don't want to fly away. I don't want to leave my family. I am not ready for the next opportunity in life. I am scared, actually terrified. But when I think about it, I was once a scared little bird, who couldn't even take flight, who dreamed to soar. We were all kindergartners who didn't want to leave our parents, who didn't want to start school, but we did and we ended our lives at home and started our life at school. 
     We were all eggs who just hatched in a small nest and we wanted to grow. Each year we grew, we learned more and more with the help of our teachers, they were with us through it all. There were some days where some days were I would fall, fail, feel different, but with the support and love of our little flock, I would persist. There have been many lessons, but throughout the tough times at Golf I learned to love others for our differences, all of them.
      Now we are back at a beginning, about to leave, about to learn more. I don't want to leave this amazing community, but if I want to soar, I have to first fly. Which means I have to leave and my journey at Golf Middle School ends.

A Baduatirmation?

     So as this is the biggest year of my life so far with graduation, confirmation, and my fourteenth birthday, I was due to have some sort of party, a Baduatirmation. A combination of a birthday, graduation, and confirmation. I am sure it will be great, but there is one problem...
     As this year is ending, my mental state has not been doing well. I am full of stress, anxiety, depression, and going into a state where I'm trying to isolate myself and be antisocial. At random times you can find me crying over the random est things, freaking out over a project, or just not saying anything. I am starting to hate things I love and I'm just waiting for things to be over or to survive. It's not healthy.
     With that as a problem, I am freaking about who to invite, what to do, and if people will like it. It's hard because I don't want to be social, I don't want to have the worst party ever, and I don't want to make bad reputation, hurt anyone's feelings, or have a few people invited a my party. 
     I have to chose the people by today. Wish me luck and if you have any suggestions of cool/fun things I can do let me know in the comment (ex. huge capture the flag game) and if you are from my school and read this and are not invited, please don't be offended.

Beginnings Always Have Endings.

       Life is full of beginnings and endings. Ends can be sad, but there is always another opportunity waiting for you. This year has been full of beginnings and endings such as Graduation, Confirmation, and many more. 
     All of these give you memories, experiences, and lessons that you will never forget. That is what life is about, learning. To grow we need to go into something new, something different, something out of our comfort zones, hence beginnings and ends.
     Yes we have our memories, which we will miss through the years, but yet we will make many more which will make me treasure the old ones even more. 
      As we move on in our lives, we should take these moments and be thankful for these many experiences for making us better people. That's why I would like to thank GMS. 
      GMS has taught me to be open minded to grow, to try your best, and to try to help others grow with you because we are all on this journey to be better in some way.
      As I move on in life, I will always carry that with me, especially going into high school which can be intimidating since I'm not going to the same high school as people I know, but that's a different story.
     High school may be intimidating now, but we will eventually adapt and grow into it. We just got to stay open minded and focus on our reason why we begun that journey. 
     Eventually we will end our high school time as fast as we ended our middle school experience, but we will know more than ever. And once again a beginning will have an ending.
      So next time you think about beginnings and endings, don't be sad. Who said endings were bad? Endings are a great thing, so cherish them because all beginnings have endings...

Life Is Complicated.

     Life is complicated, especially mine. I have been through a lot for my age. Long story short, some of those struggles were  losing someone important, divorce, moving, being bullied, having depression, being lonely, etcetera, and having high standards and trying to live a "perfect" life did not help.
     Yes, I have learned a lot and yes I know that you can't live a "perfect" life, but I do still feel damaged and have flashbacks and bad moments. Lately life has been like that for me, actually right before typing this I had a breakdown :).
     This is not something I can really move on from, but I do have problems from moving on with experiences in life. That is probably why all of this is bottled up in me. 
     This situation is also hard to explain. It's like if you have never experienced it, you wont get it. Lets just say you think everything is against you, even though it is not. Your mind is just very stubborn and even if someone tells you "You're fine," or "That's not true," you still believe it. It probably gets annoying for other people.
     I don't really have a direction for this post and I don't really want to explain my sad story to the whole internet, so I just wanted to say to anyone of my one to two followers who is reading this and needs it, you can talk to me because life is complicated.
      
      

Th1rteen R3asons Why

   On Saturday I started watching a new Netflix show, it's called Th1rteen R3asons Why. I don't usually watch Netflix, but I finished the season, which is 13 episodes (hence the name), in two days. This Netfilx show was actually based off a book! If you do not know much about the show, I'll give you a little summary. 
    This show is about Hannah, a girl who has died by choice and has left 13 cassette tapes explaining the stories, experiences, and people who were the reasons why she died. These tapes have been passed down to all of the people who have been in the tapes and now has been passed onto Clay, who is really the main character of the story. Clay was in love with Hannah, but in the story he is known as socially awkward and never got to confess to Hannah. As he listens to the tapes, you as well as Clay figure out what happened to her, how can he bring her justice, and why is he on the tapes.
     This show is amazing, it gives you mixed emotions. I should warn you that there is very triggering content if you have gone through some of these tough times and even some schools have banned talking and watching the show due to this triggering content. Besides that, it is an amazing show.
     

Cute Pictures before an Ugly Test.

     It is proven that cute pictures help before tests and since the PARCC test is coming up, here are some things I love as cute pictures.

A Tribute To A Very Special Person

   "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." In my life, in my past, not many people had made an impact on me or made me feel special. I would often feel lonely, I still remember the nights of crying. The feeling would send me into a dark abyss thinking, "Nobody likes me," or "I don't belong," and I would always search and reach out for one special person,  hoping I would find at least one. I felt like I was in a pool, drowning, while the others are enjoying themselves with another. I might or might not be visible to them, but I could see them clearly through the waters. I reached out for help, gasping for air, none wanted to save me. 
   Until eventually, there was one, my grandpa. He is mot here with me today, but I thank him. He was my life guard, he saved me from the deep and vast ocean of pain I was in. He gave me a lending hand when I needed he, he gave me support when I was down, he made me happy. Yes we did fight and yes we did argue, but he is the one who shaped me. I miss him, but I thank him a lot. 
   

A Magical Meeting?

   This week I was supposed to write about three famous people I would want to meet, but I'm not going to write about that, I am going to write why I would not want to meet famous people and why.

   Reason #1: I FEAR THE WORLD... I am not a social person at certain times and being with someone who I want to impress, is one of those times. Being judged has always been a problem for me because of past experiences and makes me refrain from showing who I truly am. Another one of those times is that when I do not feel welcomed, I tend to close in, it is another way of me feeling like I'm being judged. I AM WORKING ON IT THOUGH AND I GUARANTEE THAT IT WILL BE DIFFERENT BY HIGH SCHOOL.

   Reason #2: Nobody has inspired me significantly enough or that I know much about to make me want to meet them, of course if I had a role model, knew about someone, or randomly met a famous person of course I would want to be excited to see them and want to be with someone, but for this that is not the case.

   If anything I would want to see Jesus, God, a family member that had decease, or someone who will be significant in my future because these are the people I have many questions to ask and that have my interest. I would spend a whole day doing whatever we would want to do, but if I saw someone who will be significant in my future and it turned to be one of my best friends, I would have a sleepover because I've only been to one or have a vacation.

School Camping Field Trip ~ Story Time Sunday

Camp MacLean

   One of my many favorite field trips I have been on was when I went to Camp MacLean in seventh grade. It was my outdoor ed field trip for school. 

   We got to the camp after a very long ride and we found out where out cabins were. I was with many familiar people and I was with one of my favorite teachers. I was one of the first in my cabin and of course if you see a bunk bed you usually call dibs on the top bunk. Keep this in mind, this is very important. 

   We explored our cabin for a while and got settled, then we went to the dining hall.  They taught us how their food system was, eating lunch, and learning what activities we would do during this two day field trip. 

   To summarize how their food was during the trip, it was delicious and my table would keep coming up to get more and more. The cooks would get upset because she would see the same person come up and get the food for our table, not letting other tables have a chance to grab seconds, so we eventually switched people and went up for the food ever three minutes. One time they ran out of food because we went up too much.

  Another funny story was we were eating spaghetti and we were starting to cleaning up and I asked to pass the parmesan and the water because I wanted more water in my cup and more parmesan my for noodles. Instead of pouring water into my cup I poured my parmesan in the cup, so I went to get a new cup. As I was getting a new cup, my table decided to clean up and pour their cups of water into the pitcher and without realizing it poured the water in my cup and drank it... I only realized there was something wrong when I found a mushroom in my mouth.

   During this trip we had many fun activities and things to do like fishing where I barely hooked a fish by looking at a bunch of ducks and realizing my line was heavy and playing a huge game of capture the flag with the whole camp, girls vs. boys. The game ended in a tie, but the girls were near a win because of our idea to act like boys and sneak to the other side and of course after all activities, we had a huge fire, sang songs, and had s'mores.

   We eventually went to our cabin and at this point I went up my bunk to find a nest of  GIANT SPIDERS. As a result of freaking out I tried to get down, but I came to a realization that I didn't know how to get down a bunk bed and I fell off, landing on my friend Trisha. That night I ended up sleeping on two chairs with my coincidentally ironic spider blanket. 

   These are a few of my memories at Camp MacLean, but in conclusion, we had fun and somehow at the end my cabin called me Mom with a deceased husband of Roberto ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, but I'll save that for next time because this story time is already too long.

Movie Review - Nerve

   Nerve, is a movie about a high school senior girl who follows the rules by the book and is not the most outgoing person. Her friend, who is the complete opposite, persuades and builds her confidence to ask out her crush since middle school. The girl asks out her crush and in conclusion of being rejected, the girl decides to play this new internet dark web game crazy called "Nerve." This game is basically like truth or dare, but only that you can be a watcher or player and the public dares are 10x worse or even illegal. The girl joins as a player and as a player you have to complete these dares in a certain amount of time to earn money and go up rankings in the player scoreboard and by a certain time period the two top players go against each other to get a grand prize. In the first dare she meets an attractive boy her age and she learns he is a player too, so she joins with him. The girl is having a fun and thrilling time with her partner who she is falling in love with, but as the girl is going through these dares, breaking the rules, earning money, being recognized, and meeting other fellow players, she starts to realize what "Nerve" really is and why it is a dark web game.

All About the Music

   Music is very important to me. It connects people, It makes you feel emotions, It calms you down, It pumps you up, and It can heal you. Lately I've been listening to music because life has been tough, it is my escape from the world and gets me focused. It pushes the negativity away. You can ask anybody I know, I always have headphones on my head or around my neck when I can. 
   I think It's funny how people dislike some music or for example, different generations hate the next generations music, but personally I like them all. For example pop, rap, classical, country, etc. Here are some of the songs I've been listening to lately I've been listening to a lot of rap (only doing the two genres that I have been listening to the most): 

Pop
1. Ed Sheeran ~ Shape of you
2. Zayn/Taylor Swift ~ I Don't Wanna Live Forever
3. Bruno Mars ~ That's What I Like
There's more but I don't remember names. 

Rap
1. Post Malone ~ Congratulations ft. Quavo
2. Lil Yachty ~ I Spy ft. Kyle
3. 21 Savage ~ Red Heart 
4. Russ ~ Losin Control
5. Russ ~ What They Want 
6. Lil Uzi Vert ~ Do What I Want
7. Rae Sremmurd ~ Swang
8. Roy Woods ~ Drama ft. Drake
9. Travis Scott ~ Goosebumps ft. Kendrick Lamar
10. 21 Savage & Metro Booming ~ X ft. Future
11. Meek Mill ~ Litty ft. Tory Lanez
12. Big Sean ~ Bounce Back
13. Rob Stone ~ Chill Bill
14. Jeremih ~ Oui
15. Ugly God ~ Water
16. Chance the Rapper ft. 2 Chainz & Lil Wayne ~ No problem 
17. Pnb Rock ~ Selfish 
18. Anime ~ Caroline
19. Migos ~ Bad and Boujee ft. Lil Uzi Vert 
20. Chris Brown ~ Party
(These are just 20 I have a lot more)

Dear Former President...

      Hello George Washington, I am a fan of you. I admire that you were the first president of the United States of America. You lead the U.S. in independence and without that, we would be a totally different country. So I thank you for all you did and just to know how much we admire you. You might have not known it at the time but the were the start of something great.  So thank you for that...

Gifts

   This year I did not have that Christmas spirit, everything died in me. We didn't give many gifts, receive many gifts, and did not celebrate Christmas as we usually do. This year, I want that to change. My goal is to buy my cousins all a special gift because I want to show them that I care and I love seeing people getting gifts. Usually my family buys gifts its just that I've never paid for it, considering that I have around 15 cousins. That's why this is special. I have been saving money and trying to find out secretly what they want. I hope I can achieve this goal and surprise them with these gifts to fulfill our Christmas spirit.

Mia's Motivational Mondays

   I know this is not Monday, but here we go.

REASON

   Everything happens for a reason and I forget that sometimes. About two weeks ago we lost our chance to be in the championship, which I'm still upset about because I was looking forward to that day since the year before, but then I realized that everything happens for a reason and it made me think on positive things like maybe I need to work harder or maybe there will be even another chance to redeem myself or maybe this somehow connects in the future. Thinking about reasons, I thought about fairy tales and how they always got a "happily ever after." But that made me think, maybe if we did win maybe I would have stop playing basketball because I would have fulfilled my goal or maybe that eventually I would get that satisfying moment later in life when it is more worth it. That made me realize that if your life is not happy, your story is not over. That made me go into a state of motivation again and made ready to get back on track. My story is not over yet and I have a plentiful to learn in life. 

   Next time you feel down think about the positive things in life, everything happens for a reason and is setting you up for something great in your future.

Updates

   One of my main problems is doing what I say I am going to do when it is new or I don't have much of a passion for, for example ...

     1. Motivational Mondays

     2. Story time Saturdays

 and that is one of my new years resolution to do, do something right away.

   I am so sorry that I haven't been posting much, but I have been very busy and sometimes not motivated, but no excuses! So for now on I will be uploading more often and that is a promise. Look forward to it.

The Perfect Gift

    I've always thought about the "perfect gift" but I never could actually think of one. Most of the things I really want are things that I would have to earn because most of those will have a real sentimental impact in my life, but besides that, most gifts I get are the perfect gift because I am grateful that I get a gift in the first place.